


Insecure

by Fallenfae



Series: Warriors shipfics [7]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Rights, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:13:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenfae/pseuds/Fallenfae
Summary: Fireheart isn't so sure of his place in the clan anymore. To his luck, a certain tom is ready to reaffirm his position.
Relationships: Firestar/Graystripe (Warriors)
Series: Warriors shipfics [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1887913
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	Insecure

**Author's Note:**

> Repost lol.

It'd been sort of a slow day. Not that Fireheart noticed.

Most days were slow now. Agonizingly so, given that stress was building up - what with Ravenpaw gone now, and Tigerclaw eating up his mind for days now. It was the calm silence of the eye of a hurricane here, after Windclan came home.

Fireheart stood aimlessly in the apprentice's den, eerily empty now that the afternoon sun filtered menacingly through the shrubbery, casting it in a sickeningly golden glow. It smelled different now. Older. Maybe a little nostalgic.

_I belong here._

The phrase repeated over and over in his mind seemed to provide no comfort. Through and through, Bluestar hadn't been the sweetest leader since he last spoke with her. _Starclan,_ it's been ages since then. Did she no longer need a tom like him?

_Then again,_ Fireheart thought, curling up into his old nest, the faint scent of the past clinging onto the softened reeds, _I do stick out like a sore thumb._

He felt dizzy now. A soft pounding in his head tendered out the numbness, leaving his stomach an empty pit. No one _really_ needed - nor would love a clumsy, plump little tomcat who could do no more than pretend to be a warrior. He cringed, wishing deeply to just shoo the thoughts away, trying fruitlessly to convince himself that perhaps he _would_ be loved, but they lingered in his head profusely, taunting him with what seemed like the truth.

Sandpaw and Dustpaw were a duo. Besides, the ranking gap wouldn't do. Tigerclaw had Longtail and Darkstripe wrapped around his paw, and Bluestar was _especially_ distant after Lionheart's death. No one was around.

No one.

_No one._

_Is it a sin,_ Fireheart choked a hitched breath back into his dry throat, eyes squeezing tight, _to mourn over a childhood I never had?_ His thoughts broke.

"Fireheart?"

A figure stood silhouetted against the setting sun's glow, one that looked to be growing weaker with the passing of time.

The ginger tom shot out of the sea of his thoughts, effectively catching a breath. _Do I look like I've been crying? How long has it even been?_

His heart froze, swallowing nervously. His tail twitched with a sorry "Y-...yeah?" As a response, tone barely pushes a whisper as to not risk letting his voice crack. The larger tom lumbered over slowly, quietly, and chuckled softly - taking the silence of the surreal emptiness of camp before evening as context enough to keep his voice low. "I've been looking for you. Where've you been?"

It was useless to try and shake the thoughts away to form a coherant response. So he simply sniffed, refusing eye contact. _Not now. Not like this._

Graystripe cocked a brow, before squinting to see what was really going on. Then it clicked. His nose twitched, and could just barely pick up the scent of…

"Is that my nest?"

Fireheart cringed internally. He'd been hoping Graystripe wouldn't notice, but his kittypet nose must have underestimated the strength of the scent. _Typical. Tigerclaw would be giving that stupid "I told you so" face if he were here right now._ There wasn't much of a choice but to nod meekly. Graystripe snorted quietly, amused - and by now Fireheart has noted that he was completely oblivious to whatever feelings were bubbling in Fireheart's chest, and especially so that his heart thumped that much quicker when the gray tom huddled around Fireheart, the two of them crushing the nest under them just by their combined weight and how much bigger they'd gotten since their apprenticeships. Well, Fireheart hadn't grown much..but Graystripe had.

"So," Graystripe began with a playful expression on his face, eyes sparkling with mischief and tail twitching, lashing against Fireheart's side gently, "What are we doing here?"

The ginger tom wanted to forget his troubles and sink into the childish antics of the overgrown puppy-like tom, but his heart felt hollow and pounded relentlessly. So he exhaled shakily and nestled the heel of his front paw onto his forehead. 

Graystripe blinked. Then he realized. "Oh."

The silence was almost suffocating. The eerie quiet took over the comforting one in a fell swoop, and Fireheart only then noticed that Graystripe was staring at him. His heart skipped a beat.

"I'm just…" Fireheart started, voice quiet and shrill, and before he could pull together anything less than a jumble of words, _something_ understandable to explain himself, Graystripe had pressed his paw onto his maw, shushing him effectively. "Hey, I understand. We don't need to say anything." 

Fireheart took a breath and with that, a chance, eyes meeting Graystripe's golden eyes warming into his own. The air felt fresh again, and the ginger's skin prickled at the utter, cool-to-the-touch vulnerability. Almost as if Graystripe could see right through him.

Every breath, every touch, every heartbeat felt open and trusting, and with each passing moment Fireheart could only think about how _little_ he deserved such a caring tom in his life. He was a _kittypet._ it would be foolish to think anyone thought of him to be the same level as anyone else, and there was no possible chance Graystripe did either, no matter how much he pretended.

And the pressure, _God,_ the pressure building up in his belly for moons now, the anxiety eating at him every day leaving him an insecure mess overanalyzing every doubt, every glance, every mention of him, and the eyes that bore into him judgingly putting their standards so low an apprentice could break them and it soured him deeply. Something grew inside his chest like a tangled knot, a ticking bomb that would just…

"You don't need to pretend I'm as good as anyone else. It only hurts more when you do that."

...explode.

Fireheart cringed. He instantly regretted saying that, and even more so when Graystripe's expression contorted in worry and confusion. _All you had to do was stay quiet. Maybe then you could at least relish in the fucking performance they put on for you._ Tears pricked at Fireheart's eyes, and before he knew it they were streaming down his face continuously quiet sobs coughed up and spilling out his mouth. He didn't mean to, but he hid his face shamefully, pushing into Graystripe's chest. 

A paw stroke. Softly kissing at his back, as though unsure. Shaky. It took a moment to evaluate. Why did Graystripe even care for him? Ravenpaw was gone, and it tore Fireheart apart. Graystripe had his own interests, and teaching a complete foreigner to deal with the world was not interesting to anyone. It stung, and it stung badly. Why did _anyone_ care? Why did it hurt that they might?

"Fireheart. You're as important as any cat I know." His soothing voice warmed him over. Everything about Graystripe was warm. The butterflies in Fireheart's belly when he saw him, the ones he tried so depseratelt to ignore. His eyes, and the sticky hot feeling in his chest when they held contact. His touch, the way that a cat so big could be so gentle holding Fireheart in his arms, and now in his grasp Fireheart felt smaller than ever, and even more so _smitten._

"You know how important you are to the clan? Do you know how hard things have been? You're the only thins keeping me sane at this point." 

Fireheart peeked out, eyes red and nose stuffy. He found it comforting, that even now Graystripe had that small, smile, deeply compassionate for the ginger. He flushed, burying deeper into his chest. "I'm just...I'm just a failure kittypet. Everyone in this clan doesn't see _me,_ they see a plump little inexpirienced tomcat who can't remember the rules for the life of him. And it's _humiliating._ " his breath hitched, and when he pulled back, Graystripe could see the full extent of his insecurity. "Do you care what they think?" He pressed, ears folding back.

" _No._ But I _do_ care what they make you think of me!" Fireheart responded, sniffling. "Why am I any different then?" The gray tom shot back. "If I'm the same as anyone else, and I think highly of you, then why is the comparison between any other cat and I so different in your head?"

Fireheart stammered, twitching - cracking under the pressure. It felt arid. "You've been my friend since the beginning! It just _hurts_ when you see my failures when I want to impress you the most!"

"You went on a whole trip to retrieve an entire clan from the _dust_ with me. Is that not enough?"

"No!" Fireheart was simply shouting out half-baked responses now, caught up in the heat - "It'll _never_ be enough because I want to impress you _more_ to make up for all the mistakes I make in front of others and--"

"Why?" Graystripe responded, and his voice sounded hard, clean-cut and deep, but trembled with a slight waver. "Why is it that you'd rather impress a clumsy, mouse-brained childhood friend than someone more _worth--_ "

"Because I _love_ you, Graystripe!"

…

...silence. 

If the silence before was eerie, stiff - this one was completely unmoving. Not even the trees dare whisper the rustling secrets of their leaves. Fireheart's heart sank. "I love you." He repeated, softer this time. 

"I love the way you agree to all the dumb ideas I have. I love the way we can rant until dawn and be yelled at by Tigerclaw for being woozy during morning patrol. I love the way we whisper to one another at the _worst_ times. I love the way you hold me in your nest with the excuse that yours is too big and you need to share it even when there's barely enough room for you alone. I love the way your tail curls around mine and the way you nose into me and groom me down softly in the pale sun, and I love the way you try to convince me I'm more than my blood even when no one else believes it. Even if _I_ don't believe it."

He dared not look to see his reaction. Fireheart had cut open a wound he refused to treat himself and let his blood, all his secrets spill out for Graystripe to see. All that was left was rejectment.

When he saw Graystripe again, it was because a gray paw had pulled him back to meet his gaze. His expression was tender now. Gentle.

"Mm. Silly Fireheart. Even _you_ could tell I was making things up to get closer to you, and you couldn't pick up the hints?" He chuckled softly, pressing his nose against Fireheart's, who looked like a blushing mess now, eyes wide maw quivering. His breath was shaky. Graystripe blinked slowly. "I love you too, you dork." 

Fireheart laughed nervously, expecting anything but that. _Am I dreaming?_

He'd only just realized they were back in comfortable positions in the same nest, holding eachother close. The sunset had completely gone now, leaving not a yellow filter through the foliage, but a quiet wisteria that engulfed them in quiet calm.

For now, it didn't matter if Sandpaw and Dustpaw found them sleeping here. It didn't matter if anyone took the matter to Bluestar. Hell, it didn't matter if they were clustered together in a nest too small for one of them, let alone the both of them. The onky thing that mattered at all was their company.

And it was nice.

It was good.


End file.
